Sister of the Groom
What to wear to your brother's summer wedding when you're in your 40s and (still) prefer to go braless
Hi on a Sunday! As a disclaimer - this is going to be one of those shopping-y emails (my husband’s description) so if you’re not into that (he definitely isn’t), I’ll see you next week with a million books and movies. But, this is the best my brain could do on account of having almost no bandwidth this week (so many deadlines, plus a trip to NY which always sort of squeegees my entire being of energy, and then prep for guests this and next weekend - the one thing no one ever tells you about having guest rooms that people actually want to stay in is THE AMOUNT OF LAUNDRY you will be doing forever). But I digress…
About this wedding - I am really excited for it. I am 43 years old (tell no one! tell everyone! 43 is somehow both Kim Kardashian’s age and is also only 2 years younger than Diane Keaton is supposed to be in “Father of the Bride 2” - let all that marinate for a second) and my brother is barely 15 months younger than me (though our hairlines would beg to differ) and this is NOT his first engagement, so… needless to say, we’ve been all awaiting this moment for a minute now. And it is happening on our turf (in Perast, Montenegro, a town of 500 people in the off-season) and somehow involves almost 100 people flying in from the US, Serbia and South America.
I guess seeing photos like this:
for 15+ years on social media makes you want to take the trip, so the pressure is ON. And over the last few months, there were a million questions and negotiations:
How can I help? (I planned my own wedding and no one heard a beep about it until they got to it, but apparently things are different when the wedding is 1000s of miles away and you’re not someone who professionally wrangled Run of Shows into submission for a decade)
What do we get them? (still no clue)
Am I supposed to be doing more?
Am I supposed to be doing less? (the correct answer is that there’s no correct answer)
but most importantly for this newsletter:
What to wear? (I am standing next to my Brother, during a ceremony performed by my Husband, but between 3 bridesmaids, a best man, an officiant and the couple - I am somehow the only one without a prescribed outfit or dress direction).
It should also be noted that I genuinely felt my prime wedding attendance years were behind me - somewhere around 40, whether it was the pandemic or age, things just quieted down, but, as luck would have it, this announcement started a mini-wedding invite frenzy (all of a sudden we have 3 in the next 12 months, and all fancy and destination-y) - so this felt like a brand new era. And a brand new era demands brand new clothes (I mean, not really, but when else do I get to shop for silly dresses now that I live in the woods and work mostly from home?).
I briefly chatted about it with my Mom, who is the definition of a well dressed person (and who, on her most recent visit, took 2 of my formerly-worn-to-weddings-dresses with her to wear in Montenegro, so I am glad my existing closet worked out for someone) and she had a few very specific thoughts:
no pink (which took this dress out of the running - which I still adore) - this came without an explanation but felt non-negotiable.
no pants (which was unfortunate, because I was in a linen suit + a killer top mindset for a minute - this Agnes B Rue Du Jour was an early front runner (just think of it with a really good red lipstick), but I also looked at some very sparkly alternatives)
nothing too age-appropriate (which was a good advice because I was slipping and sliding down the Sachin and Babi trail because that is what internet takes you to when the internet knows you’re 40ish and going to an occasion, which in retrospect would have been something I regretted)
So, then I went and looked at a million outfits:
Some were extremely gorgeous and expensive and cool and glamorous I could almost justify buying them while watching Capote vs Swans and/or leafing through my Slim Aarons books/this new Caftan coffee table book (it sort of just felt RIGHT to be wearing a caftan as a 40 something sister of the groom, next to the Adriatic - but maybe some other time?)
Some were affordable and very fun and I could almost justify buying them if I could persuade myself that my legs still are what they were when I was 29 (however, my future sister in law is 27, so I don’t think I could quite pull off that comparison)
Some were in between, but not quite right - this COS printed silk number was ALMOST the winner, and I still may buy it just because, but it felt like it lacked a little bit of OOMPH (I may not be the star of this show, but I not without my need for compliments). I want this &Other Stories dress, just not for a wedding. Also, I encourage the right person to spring for this STAUD bayadere stripe/with crab embroidery number
And then, in the end, keeping in mind that the soon-to-be-marrieds live in South Beach, and quiet luxury is not necessarily my brother’s first language, I went for something sparkly, but comfy, landing somewhere between a beachy wedding and a Studio 54 decision. I have had it for a few weeks now, and feel great about it - it packs to next to nothing (which some of my more ambitious choices definitely wouldn’t have achieved), it doesn’t seem to be wrinkle prone, it BREATHES like magic, and it has serious re-wear power.
So much so, already decided to stick to it for another wedding in Puerto Vallarta later this summer (hi Nick if you’re reading this!), and am going to pair it with some gold sandals that I’ve actually worn to MY wedding 7+ years a go and which continue to be one of the best investments of my life, footwear wise. I got this clutch too. And a pair of vintage earrings that I don’t have the energy right now to take a photo of, but this feels like a good approximation of their vibe (just splashier).
For the cocktails the night before, I will be wearing an already Staud balloon ombre maxi, though I am DEEPLY, SERIOUSLY tempted to spend money I don’t need to spend on this dress. (I am pretty sure I’ll be able to resist, but will report back).
I have also been slathering my body in the Jergens Natural Glow + Firming lotion, and I am happy to report IT WORKS (still swear by these for the face, with this as a layering back up) and overall, I think things will work out.
So, yeah, that’s all I got for you. I promise to be back on reading/viewing track next week and in the meantime, here’s some Christmas-y Mariah Carey which is the #1 thing I still remember from my wedding (which was in April). I feel we could all use it right about now: