You Need Nothing

A post-election pre-holiday reminder

I almost didn’t write a newsletter this week because at first it felt in bad taste?

I also didn’t open a single substack that landed in my inbox since Wednesday AM because that felt weird too. But, you know, no judgement. Everyone was doing their own thing this week. One of the (many) women I work with told me on Wednesday at 7:30am that she woke up and decided that she could either have the mental space to work or to grieve, but not both, and she was, in that moment, choosing work. Another company I know (owned by a black, immigrant woman - I was going to add “strong” at the start of that description, but that goes without saying) took a collective day off on Wednesday, reflecting a different answer to that choice.

So, if what it took for people of substack to make it through this week was to still discuss the Sephora Sale and the Carlyle Collection by Sporty & Rich, and the Alex Mill collaboration page where $295 pajamas seem like the most normal things in the world - I am not here to judge anyone.

After all I did three things this week:

• Worked A TON (like, up at 5am, and AT IT immediately kind of work)

• Watch a bunch of TV (mostly of the British variety - Rivals proved the greatest of diversions, all horses and 80s horniness - are we about to witness a Dame Jilly Cooper renaissance? Horse girls everywhere rejoice!)

• And, sadly, bought a bunch of stuff.

Now, I have always had a shopping problem. I think it has to do with coming from a place where shopping felt truly like a novelty - we didn’t do it often, things were not available in abundance, and, well, when you did it IT FELT FUN. Like, genuinely fun. So, when I got here and eventually started making more than 29k a year (which was honest-to-God my first annual salary in DC, Masters Degree in Architecture and all - I later found out that the 19 year old receptionist who was getting paid from my overhead made more, so please take that career planning tip to your daughters) I really went buck on consumerism.

It got especially bad during the pandemic, when getting things delivered to our doorstep felt like a small interaction with the world and when, in the golden, nascent era of instagram ads (still made by humans, still kind of not annoying) it was very easy to be targeted. I was also very sad and my body was deeply messed up - so throwing luxurious tent-like structures onto said sad body and spraying myself with expensive smells felt like a thing to do that could move things somewhat forward.

In the last two years, and especially in 2024, I got better. I am happy to report that I have everything I need and feel like I have everything I need most of the time. I love my life - my husband, my house, my dog, my friends, my book club, my new town, my body (not as tortured as it was), my work-life-balance (more or less) and overall - most of the shopping I have done has been to replenish some staples, and of course, a special treat here and there (that do feel like actual treats as a result, which is nice).

But, it is a delicate equilibrium. Summer and Fall got very busy, and stress is often a shopping trigger. And while I (very proudly) resisted getting my hands on anything I didn’t immediately need (you can travel and not have shopping be an anchor activity - who knew?) the Election stress / shock / Pre-Holiday consumer onslaught by the internet (why are we early bird shopping Black Friday Sales on November 7th? What kind of Orwellian/Ray Bradbury nightmare did we wake up in?) have resulted in me buying all sorts of (pardon my French, sorry Mom) bullshit in the last 5 days.

A list that includes:

• books (if Ina Garten and Elizabeth Strout are not going to help me now, who will?)

• white t-shirts (the great stabilizers of everything and the one thing that needs seasonal refreshing)

• size M sweatpants (a victory lap, right?)

• very expensive foundation (this, I actually am totally ok with because it is an expense I’ve learned the hard way about was worth it and the skin is en route to winter coloring)

• a whole mess of other cosmetic staples and frivolities (that Sephora sale really does come at you hard - whoever runs their marketing should volunteer for the Democratic presidential election support next time)

• 2 slinky dresses (there will be joy/parties again, right?)

• 2 electric blue sweaters (not sure why electric blue, but yeah - ELECTRIC.BLUE)

• 1 black boatneck cashmere sweater (which is the one staple I have been missing in my life, FOR SURE)

• a pair of navy ponte pants (navy is the color I need more of, maybe?)

• a very cheap navy blue sweatshirt (I’ve decided that the only sweatshirts I will ever be buying moving forward are $14 and from Hanes - because it is the best America has to offer, trust me)

• a very expensive silk button down, now on sale w/ a zebra on it (not a zebra print, but an actual zebra) to wear at a resort occasion in the future

• a puffy black purse

• a classic navy leather tote

• and am currently eyeing 5-14 red sweaters which, because, despite the fact that I never ever do any kind of holiday dressing up, seems like I might this year?

Anyway, the point is - I had a lapse.

I am not going to link anything of the above at all (I can’t actually vouch any of it is the thing I would recommend a week or six months from now) - and I also know I am not going to return ANY of it (it is just not what I do).

And I know I am not alone - because I was doing SO WELL, and then I wasn’t, and this is how it manifested itself - through putting more things into my house and my closets and my shelves, none of which necessarily have room for more things. It is not great.

So, this morning, I woke up and walked my dog 2x, drank my tea, watched episode 4 of “Midwich Cuckoos” (these people really needed to start seeing these kids for who they are by now), and then put a copy of Eula Biss’s “Having Ane Being Had” (the only actual recommendation I can share in this newsletter) next to my work desk and am now sending you this.

So, lets do this:

Put our phones down.

Go hug people we love.

Take a walk.

Throw a ball or some leaves for our dogs.

Cuddle.

Call our parents (even if phones are the devil, when used like actual phones they are kind of cool)

Donate a bunch of things - clothes other people need, meals for Holidays, time (time!!!).

Read a book we already own. Maybe even a book we already love.

Wear our favorite soft pants and slightly pilled sweater - clothes that are a little older actually do LOOK BETTER.

Realize we really only ever wear one lipstick because it’s the one THAT WORKS.

Don’t let the internet fool us any more than it already has - you DO have everything you need. Trust me.

Aside from maybe that ONE PERFECT red sweater….

- oh wait! No, I can do this! You can do this!

Happy / OK Sunday to you all.